going down swinging.

I took a package of these monstrosities home from the grocery store on Saturday with the idea that I would follow the serving size (two cookies, 140 calories) and I would have a treat to last me weeks. Yeah... that didn't happen. By Sunday I had already cleaned out close to half of the package. #NoSelfRestraint

I ate the last two cookies before heading out for a run today. Normally a banana is my pre-run nom of choice, but I opted for the cookies to be done with them. GET THEM OUT OF MY FACE. I think it goes without saying that I can't have treats in large quantities like that because the simple fact of knowing it's in the pantry will drive me to think about it constantly. I have been thinking about cookies all week, not necessarily because I wanted cookies but because I knew they were there. The lesson to learn from this is that I still have trust issues with myself, and for now it's safer for my mental and physical health if I stick to single serving packages to prevent myself from going off the deep end.

Sure, it's not as economical to go the single-serving route (bulk saves!) but... you know how people will say things like "I would do anything..." or "I would pay anything..."? Yeah. That. I would do anything, I would pay anything, to be healthy (and skinny). So there. Here's my cost: I gotta pay more for less economical portions of food, especially when it comes to treats.

Because I'm a normal person not on a diet, and I get to have cookies too. Don't judge.

Anyway... HUGE non scale victories happening today.

1. White pants. Okay, they're capri pants, details ugh. The last time I wore these last August, I was about 15-20 pounds heavier (fighting with the scale right now so I don't exactly know my numbers) and I remember thinking "ugh, these would be so perfect 10 pounds from now." At 15-20 ish pounds, I can verify that my thoughts were true. These, in fact, might be a little too big now but my weight doesn't always cooperate with my seasonally inappropriate wardrobe so I'm going to wear the shit out of these pants until they fall off my hips.

2. That brings me to my next victory... belts. If you don't already know, fat people can't wear belts. Normally our pants dig into our skin so bad that we already suffer from red welts banded around our midsection without also adding the torture of restricted leather and a metal buckle. Belts and fat people do not get along. Plus, maybe this is a personal thing, but I was always very conscious to buy extra long shirts to cover the waist band of my pants so you couldn't even see a belt if I bothered to wear one. I was so concerned about hiding my lumps of fat that wearing a belt never served a fashion purpose, and I certainly didn't need a belt since my pants usually were snug on their own. But but but... I need a belt. And my midsection is flat enough that I want to show off a belt. I think I'm gonna go to the store and buy a belt... for the first time ever (seriously). Umm, where does one procure a belt? Are there belt stores or something? Seriously. I need help.

3. My panties don't fit. At first I thought I was imagining it, then I convinced myself it was one pair of panties in particular, then I thought that all the fabric on every piece of lingerie I own was simultaneously becoming too stretchy. No, it's confirmed: I'm definitely a smaller size now. I have tried every cut, every color, different types of fabric (cotton, lace, silk...), same results. All my panties come from VS and in my entire history of shopping there I've never bought anything besides an XL but I can proudly say I am L now. My ass is still big, whatever. My Mexican roots and Velveeta have made damn sure that it will always stay that way and I'm okay with that. #curvyissexy

Badonkadonk courtesy of Velveeta.