je ne connais pas.

1. Why the fuck are there so many food blogs? Straight up, I love food and I enjoy cooking but I choose to spend my time (uh, how to put this delicately...?) NOT IN THE KITCHEN. It's never going to be my life's joy to feed my family because food turns into shit and maybe my future hubby needs to know how to feed himself. Yeah, I'm kind of a feminist like that. I guess what I'm saying is... surely food can't be that important? It seems like it's become an over-emphasized art form which is great as a novelty, but food is so common that I cannot see the value in 3-course meals and dessert from scratch EVERY NIGHT. Once in a while, sure. For me it's pretty common during vacations but I hold no value to this culinary emphasis in my personal lifestyle, and maybe that's reflected in my perception of food blogs.

2. Normally I don't share opinions on how other people spend their time because (a) it's rude to judge, (b) it's none of my fucking business, and (3) I have my own life to live. So please forgive my momentary blip, but I really had to get this off my chest.

3. It's perfect running conditions: 60 degrees, low humidity, clear skies, after midnight AND I HAVE NO DESIRE TO RUN. Not only am I exhausted but my joints are kind of angry at me today from my constant movement at work, so even though the earth is screaming at me to run I have to say no. Plus I didn't eat enough earlier and it feels much better to sit at my desk eating warmed-up leftovers of the dinner that I didn't finish.

4. I COOKED TODAY. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. Boyfriend has been away for a few weeks now and I've been reliving my single days and I have to admit, that guy just makes me better. Better at personal hygiene (eeww... you needed to know that), better at eating right, better at shopping and cooking, better at keeping house. I guess when there's another person to share your space with, you put more effort into it; now with him temporarily gone, I stopped giving a shit. Most notably, I stopped cooking meals. When it's just me, I feed myself for energy and that's about all the thought that goes into it. You could say that my hating on food bloggers in point #1 is totally wrapped up in this, but when I'm feeding myself for fuel I don't give a shit about side dishes or having a "theme" or following trends like quinoa or chia seeds. That shit is gross. I digress. Last week, I made boxed mac and cheese, but I knew that pasta carbs and neon orange powder wasn't enough to satisfy my physiological needs. I substituted the suggested margarine and milk for Greek yogurt and BOOM... less fat plus protein. It wasn't my proudest culinary moment, but I ate the suggested serving size and felt perfectly satiated, and in addition that box of mac and cheese lasted DAYS because I'm a boss like that. Tonight's meal consisted of a sort of Mexican pasta (I think? I have no idea how to describe it), black beans, and green salsa BECAUSE THAT TOTALLY COUNTS AS FRUIT. I'm not wild about the amount of pasta I've been having lately, but it's panty-friendly and I hate having to go to the grocery store more than absolutely necessary.

5. Blog lovin:
http://wtfplus.tumblr.com/
Okay so... everyone is beautiful and we shouldn't judge body types and blah blah blah but I fundamentally disagree with the editor of this blog, because my personal experience being overweight obese has taught me that compromising your health to make a statement to society about self-esteem is not worth it. I loved myself then, I love myself now, and now I'm skinnier AND healthier so I'm going to call that a win. And I am genuinely happy to know that the editor appears to have accepted herself, so I can live agreeing to disagree on the subject and taking this blog at face-value. Because as a still plus-size person, OMG ALL OF IT IS SO TRUE. At a current size 12 I have relatively few problems dressing myself but it wasn't that long ago that I was scraping at the bottom of the barrel trying to find ANYTHING that would fit and my style definitely suffered for it. I love that someone has cared enough to devote the time to share her comedic talents on the subject.

http://xoxonettap.com
HOLY HONESTY BATMAN. It's refreshing. I had intermittently followed this blog a few years back but the "styles I love" pattern of the posts were boring and I didn't keep up with it. I don't know what made me go to the site today but I was stopped dead in my tracks to see that the nature of the posts had changed dramatically and all of a sudden someone who once bored me could be my food sister (that's a thing... starting now). Sometimes you just need to know that someone else feels the same way.

6. I went back to the mall today to get more colors of the skinny corduroy pants and found that they were marked down from $3.97 to $1.97. Yeah, okay, I love America. I don't know what happened over the weekend that they felt it necessary to slash the price a ridiculous 50%, but I scored so whatever. I also had a feeling that there was something special waiting for me at Target so I headed there next and found a cocktail dress originally $70 marked down to $5.25. It was the only one I could find like it anywhere in the ladies' section... it came in a slate gray color in a size 14 and fit me perfectly. I must have done something awesome to have pleased the mall gods like this. #lucky

7. I took some mental notes as I was trying on other items that I didn't end up buying. First up: empire waists wtf? I am a textbook hourglass shape and I'm so proud of that fact that I don't mind you hating on me for it, I understand your envy. ANYWAY. Empire waists look... just bad. I tried different dresses with the empire waist and nothing worked so if you can rock the empire I secretly hate you. Second, I so desperately want a maxi dress and I finally found one I loved but again... not hourglass friendly. And peplum is not my friend. I was really upset until I remembered that I got pants for $1.97 and I look banging in clingy dresses, so I'm still winning at life.

8. CONFESSION TIME. At one point recently my weight had reached 216.5. It was a combination of things that lead to this and I wasn't entirely surprised by the news but it was still disappointing. I have made some corrections in my diet and I'm super super happy to report that I weighed in today at 209.5 so... progress.