cracked the code.

If you aren't already rocking to this song, you need to hop on the train. NOW.

Today was the first day of the fall semester. I'm going to try to keep this short.

I have a lot of anxiety. A LOT. I've gotten really good at hiding it, but it's a problem that's always there and coping isn't always easy. New classes, new schedule, new routine, new everything... all of it sent me into a tizzy. Not quite full-blown panic attack, but definitely the kind that keeps you up at night and makes it hard to breathe. This used to rule my life but thankfully I've gotten much better at talking myself down before I'm completely incapacitated. Being prepared, visualizing scenarios, and always having a back-up plan are ways I help myself through it and it helps!

I woke up early, ate breakfast, took the bus to campus, then had my first class. I met a kid named Nick who is from my hometown. I gotta admit, as an older student it's comforting to be able to connect with anyone over anything, sometimes I just feel so out of place. I had an hour break between classes, I found an empty table in a commons area and had my lunch (tomato and avocado on a wheat tortilla, water, almonds) and did some reading. I headed to my next class, Spanish, which was a primary source of my anxiety and I survived! It was a big deal when I realized how much time had elapsed without my noticing, I love that I was able to get past my anxiety and enjoy being in the moment rather than obsessing about the clock.

After class I went to the campus rec center and familiarized myself with the locker rooms. My dependence on public transportation now means that I get to carry a ton of crap with me everywhere and I just don't trust my wallet, laptop, and iPad to sit defenseless in open cubbies while my back is turned on the treadmill. I ran 2 miles on the treadmill, it would have been more but my heart rate was way up and my foot wasn't taking it well, and then I lifted weights and stretched.

I parked myself under a tree on a patch of sprawling green grass to enjoy the breeze while I waited for my bus to take me home.

I had some leftovers for dinner, then I napped in bed still wearing my gym clothes covered in sweat. I was so tired you couldn't even convince me that sweaty gym clothes in bed was a bad idea, although in hindsight... eff.

It was pretty much the perfect day. And I get to do it tomorrow.

OH OH OH. Not entirely sure what is going on, but I weighed in at 208.5 this morning. TOTAL SHOCK.