for good fun.

Iowa's way behind when it comes to new music but I was eating this shit up in Chicago last weekend... I couldn't change the station without hearing this song. After the sixth or seventh time hearing it (in a row) I think I'm ready to declare this the song of the summer. Also, I kind of love it, but I haven't heard it on the radio at home yet which means there's still plenty of time for my love to turn into hate. But it still stands as the song of the summer. I declared it.

I want to run so bad. SO BAD. I've been having dreams about running, on Tuesday night I dreamed I ran a half marathon and I woke up feeling so accomplished, I almost have a hard time believe that it didn't happen. It was so incredibly real that I can't shake the feeling. Also incredibly real was last night's nightmare that I went for my first run and found that I couldn't run. I got about six hours of sleep before the panic of that dream woke me in a cold sweat.

I have been complaining to those who will listen that weight loss was so much easier in the beginning. I'm so disappointed that I've stalled AGAIN, especially so close to such a big goal, and I started to long for the days fifty, sixty, seventy pounds ago when I knew that every morning on the scale would be a victory.

Maybe I'm reminiscing too much and glossing over the shitty parts (oh it was definitely shitty back then) but being unable to exercise isn't helping any. Thankfully, I woke up this morning with this dedication, this fire, that wasn't going to keep me down. I woke, I dressed, and I got to it. Just like that. There was no thought involved, just action.

Twenty minutes on the elliptical, three rounds of my weight lifting routine, and 30 minutes spent with Hilary Burnett doing her intermediate routine.

I have felt so calm today. So calm, and so NOT HUNGRY. I know tomorrow my body's going to be angry for my sudden enthusiasm but I miss this.

I can't run. I want to run, but I can't. There's no boot holding me back now but I was advised to take it easy and I had a shaky experience on the elliptical, so my internal sensors are screaming NO every time my heart starts to ache for the pavement.

I need to learn to be happy with what I have. I could be happy. I could be.