what do you say to taking chances...

My sister was a giant bitch with severe self esteem issues. It was a personal hobby of hers to make me cry. You know all the attention school bullies get in the media today? Yeah, well imagine you share a room with your bully and your parents ignore all your pleas for help. I was labelled a crybaby at a very young age stemming from my complaints from being bullied; eventually I learned to hide my tears.

One of the things my sister said to me that I'll never forget: you have tree trunk legs. Despite being siblings, we're as opposite as can be. She has an apple shape with thin, shapely legs, while I'm a pear with my pockets of fat distributed everywhere. Including my legs. I've always hated my legs, probably because I was told at a very young age that they were essentially ugly. Thanks sister, it's no wonder we have no relationship.

Over the last few years I've given up caring what my legs look like because Iowa summers are relentless in both the heat and humidity departments and my even most desperate attempts to keep my legs covered almost always end in heat stroke. But my heart breaks a little every time I look at shorts or summer dresses knowing that my legs are still tree trunks. Even more than seeing my weight start with a 1, my most wanted weight loss goal is to have thin, shapely legs. I honestly have no idea if my genetics allow it, but if you've ever seen Celine Dion in a miniskirt then you must know exactly why this is a big deal to me.


There, now you can say you've seen Celine Dion in a miniskirt

The reason for my superfluous preamble is to comment on the state of my legs. This time last year they were jiggly, cellulite-ridden, couldn't carry me half a mile if I was being chased by an ax murderer. These days, my legs are still tree trunks. But now, they're solid. You couldn't knock me over if you tried. Still some cellulite here and there, but it's mostly muscle. Even the tendons around my feet are strong, like kick-like-a-horse strong.

I still have no idea if I'll ever have slinky toned legs like they do in the magazines, but for now I'm happy that my legs can take me farther than ever before.




Yesterday was.... ugh.

After work I made a pit stop at home and then went directly to the hospital for my ABG test. I went straight to the lab with my order form thingy and I got the same line, "You need to go to registration first." BITCH, NO I DON'T. I was JUST in there last Monday, you would think making such frequent trips they would remember my face. I'm pretty fuckin' memorable. Well what NO ONE bothered to inform me was that ABG is done in the respiratory department on the other end of the hospital. The lady at the lab was nice enough to give me directions, after which I found my way without a problem.

I got to the Cardiology unit and I waited and wait and waited... eventually my nice respiratory therapist lady took me in for the test. Right off the bat she says to me, "I've never gotten an ABG on the first try. Let's hope I don't have to stick you too many times." Thanks for instilling me with such confidence. So I watched her break eight needle kits before she finally figured out how to properly remove them from the packaging. She stuck my right wrist first and it was an epic failure. A PAINFUL epic failure. She moved on to my left wrist and desperately wiggled the needle around the subcutaneous space until she struck my artery.

Let me tell you something. Doctors are NOT joking when they say having an ABG done is painful. IT SURE FUCKIN' IS.

The nice lady had me wait in the lobby until my results came back; after ten minutes she returned and told me everything was fine and I was good to go. I don't know exactly what "everything is fine" means, but I imagine that my blood pH is good enough that I shouldn't expect to see the inside of an ER anytime soon. So yay?

I'm half expecting a call from Dr Stern today with further instructions. I'm half expecting to not receive a call at all, in which case I'm going to be a solid wreck this week until I get a word with the doc. Ugh.

I left the hospital and went directly to Walgreen's to pick up the Lasix that Dr Stern was so kind to call in for me, since I was down to my last four pills I was really cutting it close. I collected boyfriend from work and we had dinner together. I ordered the 7 Seas Burrito and OH MY G how have I not had this before? My life has changed for the better. Afterwards we went to the grocery store to stock up on produce and I almost kinda wish I hadn't. Everything was expensive and there was limited selection at both stores we visited... not a good week to be eating. Maybe it's a good week to diet?

The burrito created a glob of food cement in my stomach that refused to move for hours. At 9pm I had enough and threw on my favorite tights to go running. I realized when running at my parents' this weekend that I like repetition and measurable distances, therefore running in circles is my comfort zone. I hate being thrown for a loop and it really helps reduce my anxiety and boost my overall performance if I know what's ahead, so I mapped out a run around the block where I live. It's 1.08 miles in a loop around the block without crossing any streets. I did that twice last night and it was incredible. It's hilly where I live so there were some really really slow spots, but I did it. I did it TWICE. My heart rate monitor says I burned 584 calories in the 30+ minutes I was out there. Due to a technological issue during a pit stop, I don't know what my exact time was, but whatevs. I did it.

I so totally freaking did it.

And my legs look amazing.