lightyears away.

LOTS OF THINGS TO DISCUSS TODAY (no worries, you won't find any April Fool's shit here).

First up, because I forgot to mention this on Saturday... a very happy, happy, happy birthday to my favorite, Miss Celine. I cried a little tear when I realized she turned 45 because I remember her in her 20s! I have magazine clippings from her 30th birthday and by then my Celine mania was in full effect, so to give you an idea it's been a LONG time. Most of the clips in the video above are from the A New Day... DVD but it's pretty representative of the Celine experience (she really is batshit crazy). But, if you're looking for a good Celine concert I suggest the Taking Chances World Tour DVD (I prefer the Montreal show but I've been rocking the Boston show at the gym lately) orrrrr you could always catch her in Las Vegas (Céline is wayyyy superior to A New Day..., hands down). Okay, shameless plug is over.

I visited my parents over the weekend and I am happy to report that I ate absolutely no Easter candy! Or pie, or ice cream, or anything sweet. I did have a Mike's Hard Strawberry Margarita, at 220 calories and 33g of carbs I did feel kind of bad for my indulgence but fuck it. I work hard.

In order to overcome my weight issues over the last couple of years, I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out where my problems come from. I know that I'm not an emotional eater (I'm an emotional starver! I like the feeling of control and deprivation) but beyond that it's been rather difficult to pinpoint my issues. The more time I dedicate to eating right and exercising regularly, the more it becomes apparent to me, most notably during my trips home. Here's a quick rundown:

• I had to pack fruits in my overnight bag because I was almost certain there wouldn't be any when I got home. I was absolutely right. Except for a pair of really old, wrinkled, dried out oranges, there was literally nothing in the house in terms of fresh fruits and vegetables. I had always told myself that it's because my parents are extremely busy people (that part is true) and I only visit at the end of the week before they've gone grocery shopping, but the truth is that I don't really ever remember having fresh fruits and veggies in our house. Ever. Onions and potatoes, sure. But having a basket of a variety of fruits was never a thing for us.
• My sister is on the Atkins diet. Wait, let me back up a bit. I've never been on a "diet," the best categorization for what I'm doing now is a (oh god, super cliché) lifestyle change. Having never tried an actual diet plan, I try to keep my criticisms to myself but from what I understand about food and nutrition and the body... you can't cut any food group out. They all exist for a reason. But what I do with MY body is MY business, and what other people do with theirs... just, don't rub it in my face okay? With that, here's my beef (HAHAHAHA Atkins pun): my sister (and her partner, who is also on the plan) were downing Bacardi and Diet Cokes like nobody's business because the drink has zero carbs. Sooo... she can't have fruit, she needs to be picky with her vegetables, but bottomless Bacardi-and-Cokes are okay because it's carb free? I don't believe in that one bit. Now, I've already admitted that I drank this weekend (one Mike's Margarita) because I'm a fucking adult and drinking is allowed, but for fucking serious? I will sit on my high horse because my 80 pound weight loss (and counting!) was not achieved with endless meat and Bacardi. My biggest issue with diet trends in general is that they're predicated on these rules which don't make sense. I don't believe that the Atkins diet was created with the intention of abusing the no-carb loophole to include Bacardi (and other such items), but these diets give people the impression that, as long as they follow the "rules," they're doing something healthy for themselves. No. Drop the meat, have an apple, for fuck's sake.
• It came up in an unrelated conversation that my mom had had a consultation for weight loss surgery. Even at my heaviest (292 pounds, which was WAY heavier than my mom has ever been) I never considered it. Not only do I think of surgery as the cheap way out, it will never solve the emotional issues tied to why you gain the weight in the first place. I've been taking care of my head and my [figurative] heart as much as I've been caring for my body during this process and I know for a fact that surgery cannot offer the same. Plus, (and I wish more people would talk about this) there is something to be said about clawing your way out of your predicament. I can tell you that I'm a better person since I've begun dedicating myself to a healthier life, because a "healthier life" really includes EVERYTHING. Better health, better mind and body, better sleep, better self esteem... this has bled into every aspect of everything I do every minute of every day. I'm a better student because of the mental strength I have developed from running; I'm better at Pilates because I lift weights; I wear smaller clothes, I have more confidence, I rock the shit out of every day because I feel like a rock star because my yogurt and bananas for breakfast and the awesome 7 hours of sleep I got last night have me pumped for my return to the gym tonight. It's all so interconnected that I cannot even imagine taking the surgery route. When I asked my mom why she was considering the surgery she didn't answer; instead my sister piped in. "Because she's lazy." I wish my sister hadn't said that, I wish she hadn't robbed my mom of the opportunity to explain her choice, but the words were spoken and now I can't get it out of my head.
• I was analyzing the food that we eat while at my parents' and it's always a variation of meat-and-starch or meat-and-grains. By my suggestion, we had a salad at dinner last night, but it was lettuce with WAY too many calorie-dense toppings and a really heavy dressing. I'm an adult now which means I get to make my own choices (and I really do trust my choices these days) so it wasn't a huge issue that I deviated from the norm this weekend (it was only two days, after all). But, so help me, I hope to never do that to my children. I don't even care about the organic versus pesticide, free range, cruelty free, hormone/antibiotic, blah blah blah blah nonsense. I don't want to live a life where all we eat is meat and potatoes. There's a lot to be said about a simple tomato/cucumber/fill-in-the-blank, you know?
• I'm so stopped up from this weekend's dietary choices that I'm seriously happy that I don't live that way anymore.

Finally, we had a girl's shopping extravaganza on Saturday and I walked out with some cute scores from Target. I tried on several things but I only purchased two (a faux-leather jacket size L, and a black dress size L) but the real excitement came from the things that didn't go home with me. I tried on a Prabal Gurung dress in a size 14 (it was the only size available) and it zipped and it was ROOMY. I almost cried a happy tear. It didn't go home with me because I really needed a 12, and also because the silhouette was weird on my body (small details). There was also a super cute printed pencil skirt (bright flowers on a black background) that I could only find in a size 10. I couldn't get it to zip all the way but I did get it over my hips and bum. It's mind blowing to think that my normally large ass is almost a size 10. I'm not even upset that it didn't fit because this is the first time ever in my life that I could get a size 10 up past my knees. Yeah... I was a hefty kid. Deal with it.

I have a wild guess that I gained two pounds at home over the weekend and I'll probably spend all week dealing with the aftermath, but I'm surprisingly okay with that. It was a good weekend and I feel fabulous.