i can't believe.

WEEKEND ROUNDUP! Kinda. (There are a lot of words today and I sorta apologize for that. Not really)

• There's soooo much politicking on TBL Season 11. It seems like things were so friendly and harmonious on Season 14 (except for Gina omg) that the strife between the S11 contestants really gives me hypertension. Also, I was dreaming about the show and I realized how absolutely ridiculous the show's premise is. I know these are real people doing real things in real gym, but they're also characters on a show. Important things to keep in mind.
• WE GOT AN ELLIPTICAL! It's a Precor 546 commercial grade elliptical. I don't know if it's more awesome or dangerous that it's sitting in my living room, calling my name every minute of every day. Awesome because: I spent 90 minutes working out yesterday and the time flew by like nothing; dangerous because: I pay a lot for a gym membership, and I really should be running and lifting weights too. MODERATION BRO, MODERATION.
• Lifting a 200+ pound of machinery up into a car, down from said car, up a flight of stairs, up another flight of stairs, through three rooms and a hallway, and then realizing it won't fit through the doorway and having to turn the piece of machinery back through the hallway into another room... yeah. ALL THAT. That's a great fucking workout. It's been two days, I cleaned out way too much Tylenol, and I'm still body-tired (body-tired is a thing, okay?).
• I saw some Lauren Conrad style video this weekend and I learned how to do a fishtail braid. This is probably the third or fourth practical thing I've learned from the internet IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I've been internetting since... 7 or 8 years old. I'm 26. That's pretty effing sad. And don't tell me about some shit recipe, or shit craft project, or shit whatever you found on Pinterest. PRACTICAL SKILLS, not gimmicks. If you don't do it every day, I'm judging your source material. PRACTICAL SKILLS. I learned how to braid, suck it.
• In addition to our very awesome elliptical, UI Surplus had a stock of $10 Nike sports bras and $5 Dri Fit shirts. For some reason, wearing black and gold at the gym puts me in a bitching good mood. PLUSSS... (I'm totally eating my words on this here) I am a Dri Fit convert. For serious, that material will change your life workout. For the longest time I was trying to convince myself that cotton was okay under certain circumstances. No. Just... no. I have enough to worry about when I'm doing sprints on the treadmill, I don't need to be thinking about sweating through my shirt on top of it all. DRI FIT FOR THE WIN.
• Oh yeah. Also. YES. THAT. Sweating through your shirt. Here's how I feel about sweat at the gym: I don't trust you if you're not sweating. My theory is, if you're not sweating you're not working hard enough. Unless you're one of those freaks with freaky non-functioning sweat glands, then you're okay (but you should probably wear a name tag or else I WILL judge you). Full disclosure: I sweat like crazy. I dress minimally at all times (year-round shorts or capri leggings, almost always tanks sometimes short sleeve shirts) and even STILL I sweat like mad. I have no shame about my under-boob sweat, it's just more proof that I had an awesome workout and you look like a dick flexing your muscles in the mirror. DO SOME CARDIO, or at least lift enough weights to break a sweat. Dick bag.
• These days, I wear really small clothing sizes (okay, that's a lie... but the numbers feel small to ME and I don't care if you're judging because you're probably a whore) but it wasn't that long ago that I seriously struggled with dressing myself. This tumblr had me on the floor crying in hysterics. If you aren't/weren't an overweight female you probably won't understand, in which case skip this bullet point and move on with your life. But if you find yourself qualifying under the parameters of "overweight" and "female" and "broke" (or, maybe just "not wealthy") you'll understand what a bitch it is to find cute stuff that isn't stupid expensive. Because clothing manufacturers seem to think that fat = ugly, and... well, fuck them.
• Lately I've been giving a lot of thought about my possible hypocrisy on the subject of weight loss. I only say "hypocrisy" because I think I might unintentionally be giving off that vibe? I certainly don't mean to do it on purpose. Here's the thing: I love myself. I've loved myself since... forever. This girl doesn't have self-esteem issues. Not at 292 pounds, not now, and definitely not anything in between. I know that my weight isn't my worth, but. Here's a big but here (HAHAHAH pun): there were times I felt bad about myself AND I'M ALLOWED TO FEEL THAT WAY. There were times I was desperate to be skinny, there were times I did desperate things, there were times that I just didn't give a fuck, and there were times when I was completely at peace with the state of things. No one ever said that feelings were consistent. The media has played into my issues in ways I cannot even begin to fathom, but it's pretty obvious that we have a prevalent anti-fat culture that is shaming overweight people without offering solutions, instructions, guidance, or support. It's awful. That being said, I have Victoria's Secret catalogs stacked in my bathroom. My lingerie drawers are stocked exclusively with VS products (and my Nike unmentionables)... not because I want to be a VS model, not because I aspire to look like them, but because I like their shit. There, I said it. I LIKE VICTORIA'S SECRET. That doesn't make me a bad woman or an anti-feminist. Plus, Alessandra Ambrosio has no right to criticize my body any more than I have a right to criticize hers. She's a beautiful girl, I'm a beautiful girl. It's called coexisting. If you have a problem with how small she is, get the fuck over it. When it comes to judging and expressing opinions about other women, here's a tip to ladies everywhere: GET THE FUCK OVER IT. Worry about yourself, I promise there's enough shit there to occupy your time forever. The skinny-girl-of-the-day, whether it be a famous person, or your neighbor, or yourself, she's no more or less a woman than the girl with "curves." PS - what the fuck is with this obsession with curves anyway? Some girls have boobs, some don't. Some girls have hips, some don't. Some girls have butts, some don't. Some are lucky and have it all, and others are perfect in their own way. I can like the Biggest Loser (even though I kinda don't, cuz I have serious issues with their methods) and I can like skinny models and pretty lingerie and I can be a size 12 with full hips and a nice bust, and if you're judging... you have too much time on your hands and I feel sorry for you. Take your shit elsewhere cuz I've got other things to worry about.
• This weekend was pretty awesome. The pizza I had for dinner last night was pretty awesome. I'm pretty awesome. Deal with it.