my way, when I say go...

Gym Etiquette.

This timely article brought to you by the folks at the Huff Post. THANKS GUYS.

No, seriously. I'm glad I got to read this over my morning coffee, I was thinking about it throughout the entire weekend after a little, umm.. incident I had on Saturday.

Before I begin, let me preface this a little: I love going to the gym. Boyfriend and I talk about our future home ALL THE TIME: he's desperate to buy an elliptical so that he can exercise at home, and I'm 100% committed to keeping a gym membership. I NEED to have someplace to go outside the house, I can be extremely unmotivated sometimes but the simple act of dressing to go somewhere really starts my engine. I'm weird like that. In addition to that, I LOVE having options. I absolutely love running but it can be monotonous sometimes so I heart having other activities to choose from. Options keep things spicy for me, and I like the excitement. It's a great way to bait myself into doing something undesirable; for example: I'm speed training on the treadmill (which REALLY sucks) but I tell myself, "If you do this, you get to lift weights." I like mixing in other activities as little "treats" and I really DO look forward to weight lifting days, I'm sure I could stock a home gym with a treadmill, elliptical, and weights, but let's be real... it's so much easier to pay gym fees.

So I'm a gym rat. It's my happy place, which is odd because I am a self-admitting non-people person. I don't like to socialize, I don't like to share. But if I'm being honest, I really enjoy the act of people-watching, it's very non-interactive which is good for me but it involves other people which I normally wouldn't seek out. Watching people at the gym is not only a point of fascination for me, it's a source of knowledge too! I watch how other people run, to see what speeds/inclines people use, who's using HIIT, the long lean runners who do 2 miles a day, or the people attempting weight loss plugging away for double-digit miles. I watch the guys lifting weights to see if there are any exercises that I haven't tried, or as a guideline to make sure that I'm using correct form (maybe it's bad assumptions, but I assume the guy with jacked biceps has better form than I do? he must be doing something right). I'm especially interested to see what the GIRLS do in the weight area, lunges and squats weren't on my radar until I saw a UIowa soccer player doing them the other day (damn, she was in good shape). Plus... what people do on the mats? Ugh, don't get me started! I get so excited to see that there's a million different universes filled with endless exercises and I love-love-love to see what other people are doing. Even if I never try something myself, I like playing with the idea. Inspiration = brain food.

With all that being said...

If the gym is busy and you're not sweating balls...

Uh.. yeah. What he said.

On Saturday night, I had to break from my normal routine and go to the gym at peak hours. I knew it was going to be busy, but I prepared myself as best I could because I needed/wanted the workout. When I arrived, ALL the treadmills were being used (a real rarity at our gym, usually we fight for ellipticals). That wasn't the problem. I took issue with the fact that half of the treadmills were being used by walkers. NOW LISTEN UP, before you get jumpy about me hating on walkers: I walk on the treadmill all the time. I do, really. I don't see a problem with it... exceptttt. You'd better be sweating balls. If you're taking a leisurely stroll at peak gym time, GET THE FUCK OFF THE MACHINES. There's Walmart, or grocery stores, or the mall, or fucking outside if all you want is a brisk walk. I have a few requirements for what I consider to be "acceptable" treadmill use for walking:

1. It better be fast.
2. It better be at an incline.
3. You better be there to sweat.

I'm not saying you have to meet all 3 requirements, just one. Just pick one. Apparently that was too much for 3 of the guys on the treadmill: they were dressed in jeans, going slow, goofing around, stopping sporadically to swap machines with an adjacent buddy, and generally being a waste of space. I wish I was exaggerating this. I had to watch these guys fuck around for 15 minutes before they pressed "pause" and darted off to the weights area. It was unclear if they were returning to their machines because it was on PAUSE and they didn't wipe anything down. I respect a person's bubble at the gym, so I would never jump on a machine that still has stats on it in case they had to step away for a moment (to take a phone call, bathroom break, water break, etc.) so I waited a few more minutes to see if they were coming back. When I saw them chasing each other around in the weights area, I thought it safe to claim a machine and do some actual exercise.

At this point I had been on an elliptical for 20 minutes waiting for my turn on a treadmill when I noticed that there was a girl a row ahead of me on a treadmill HARDCORE STUDYING. It looked like a medical textbook. Let's get this straight: I respect med students, but if you're that crunched for time you need to learn how to prioritize. My gym is not your library, so either move to a stationary bike or GET THE FUCK OUT.

I have so much hate.

I was close enough behind this chick that I was able to see that she had already been on the treadmill for 46 minutes. There's a pretty soft rule at our gym about a 30 minute time limit on cardio equipment during peak hours, I'm not saying that she should have jumped off immediately at 30 minutes, but 46 is a gross abuse of other people's generosity. There were still people waiting to exercise and this girl is plugging away at 2 miles per hour, reading her textbook completely oblivious to the fact that this a fucking gym, not her personal studying-walking machine. Some of the other people started to leave so it wasn't long before things emptied out and the machine use became a non-issue, but it really bothered the shit out of me when I saw the same girl in the same spot reading the same book as I was leaving the gym. The total time on her stats screen: two hours. My entire time at the gym was 1:30, so I totally feel the need for a long workout session, but COME THE FUCK ON. Ridiculous.

So if you ever find yourself dawdling at the gym, remember: there is always someone like me planning all the different ways to gut you. Be considerate.

As politely as I can.