[To be fair, I knew I had no business being on the scale. And I know very well that the number I saw isn't actually my weight. But for a split second I believe it to be true and my mood suffered. Lesson learned.]
I've been desperate for a while now, but not desperate enough to make a real change. I half-committed myself to a new training schedule focused entirely on running and less than two weeks in I'm hovering at 50% completion. In school-terms, that's failing.
And my food situation... well, there were those chocolates that were given to me at work as a gift. I couldn't re-gift, that's tacky. And I couldn't throw them out, they had to be eaten. So I ate them all.
And then the Omaha steaks we received as gifts, those had to be eaten too.
And the food in the fridge, and the food in the pantry.
A memo to everyone everywhere: STOP GIFTING ME FOOD. It's not funny.
A long stretch at work and I find myself hosing a burrito and fries (really on the french fries, La Michoacana? I don't even like fries). Late night pudding because I can. A cup of milk here, a cup there. It all adds up, and I'm aware of that, but part of me doesn't care.
I've been desperate for a while, but not desperate enough to do anything serious.
I took a look at our weather forecast and it's supposed to be six shades of cold the entire week. If there's anything I know beyond a doubt, it's that (despite my weight not budging) the hours I spend exercising DO count for something. Just because I'm not losing doesn't mean that exercise is worthless, so I know that taking a week off from running wasn't an option. Drumroll please.
I reinstated my gym membership.
It was very unceremonious. I whined, I dressed, we drove, and I again realized the dread of running in place. There is a reason it is referred to as the dreadmill. I have an idea on how to change my routine to work indoors but for now I'm going to play it by ear. What occurred to me last night during my half hour on the elliptical is that asphalt has given me tremendous conditioning that I can't recreate in the gym no matter how hard I try. There's nothing like propelling yourself up a steep hill while maintaining pace, nothing like pounding your skeleton on the rough, hard, uneven roads, nothing like puffing your way through 8 miles in below-freezing temps. I can't get that in the gym, so perhaps it's best for now if I focus my attention on using the gym to develop muscle tone in areas that running doesn't affect.
If my hardcore cardio outdoor running routine can't lose the weight for me, I doubt strength training will do the trick because, as I've already alluded to before, I have a nutrition problem. I joke that I live off lettuce and Gatorade, and it's mostly true that my diet is clean and balanced, but then again it can't be. It can't possibly be meeting my needs if I exercise as much as I do and haven't been losing weight.
Today's change comes from my decision to join SparkPeople.com. I don't want to network or get spark points or do any of their recommended exercises, I think I have that covered. What I wanted from this experience was the access to the food tracker and the extensive list of food items, portions, and nutritional info.
The resolution is kinda bad and I can't make it bigger, but imagine my freaking shock when I found out I've already eaten more than 50% of my daily calories. I HAD NO IDEA. When I first created my account, I entered my height and weight and (out of curiosity) let it set my goal for me and it matched perfectly with what I had in mind: 50 pounds for a final weight of 170.
In the few minutes I've had to play around with my new account, I've learned that I was simply eating too much to lose any weight. I was eating well, it was the correct amount for maintenance but I have to cut back in order to lose.
And so I shall.
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