it's the only way to heal now.

I joined Spark People last week out of desperation. I couldn't understand why I wasn't losing weight. I was frustrated, willing to try anything, and I knew I needed help.

Everything above this line... problematic.

Problem #1: desperation.
Problem #2: ignorance.
Problem #3: hopelessness.

All of these things added up were screaming alarms at me, but I didn't take the time to recognize the real problem at hand. I took a few days off from blogging (and Spark People, and the internet, and this whole weight loss business in general) because I needed to take stock and reassess. There were greater things at play here that I couldn't see at first.

I will be the first to admit that I broke my number one super important rule of weight loss: don't try too much at once.

I never stopped to factor in what a new semester of classes would be like. Sure, I'm practically a professional student, but that doesn't mean that each semester is the same. Each class, each term, each year brings its own set of new challenges and I did not respect that.

Secondly, I didn't have a gym strategy. I rushed into reinstating my gym membership because the weather necessitated it. I'm not regretting the gym, I'm regretting not taking the time to figure out exactly what my objectives were. When I was running outside, it was simple: follow my half marathon training schedule (some generic schedule I found on a running website). The focus was on running quality versus quantity. 3, 4, 5, 6 km runs 3-4 days a week, a long run once a week, then a speed run once a week (cross training on the remaining two days). Someone else made a spreadsheet and did all the work for me; it was my job to dress, run the distance, and cross off the days as I completed them. It was easy because it was thoughtless. Transitioning back to the gym... NOT THE SAME PROCESS.

On top of that, I tried to add the stress of a new diet plan AND a new routine. The Spark People plan is very high maintenance. I firmly believe I can do it, but it was a double-faceted process that required following a new diet AND following a new routine by inputting what I eat, when I exercise, and what my goals are.. DAILY.

I failed to consider what a burden all these changes were, so I failed to realize the high probability of failure... which is not to say that I can't succeed.

PREPARATION FIRST.

They say it takes 21 days to create a habit, so for the next 21 days I am committed to new principles:

- Working on school work at dedicated times.
- Sketching out a flexible exercise plan, accounting for variables in my mood and the weather. AND ACTUALLY STICKING TO IT.
- Figuring out what role I want Spark People to play in my life (because let's be honest, this food tracker thing is ridic). Gotta admit though... I used a recipe last night and it was awesome.

Beyond that, I don't think I have the room in my life to dedicate much else. It's not defeat, it's recognizing my limitations.