still here dancing.

It's paying attention to the little things that have helped me find a way out of this rut. It's setting tiny goals to help set the pace of the day from the moment I wake up to the moment I go rest my head on the pillow at night. It's finding a few unexpected minutes in between tasks to try on that new pair of boots that have gone unworn, or to pair a shirt and a cardigan that you have never worn together before.

It was in those moments of productivity that I forgot how stressed I was. And in the minutes I had between accomplishing a task and dedicating myself to the next one, I found peace.

I woke up before my alarm but as usual I pissed away precious minutes in the morning and before long I was mad at myself for not getting started sooner. It's not that I need to wake up earlier, it's that I need to get moving sooner. It's so much more fun to Internet and play Temple Run than to... well, do stuff. Doing stuff sucks.

I promised boyfriend (and myself) that I would take the MONTHS of aluminum pop cans to the recycling center today to collect the $0.05 deposit that the state charges on each can. It's a colossal pain and requires lots of forethought and a special trip so it usually doesn't get done, but it's easily been six months since the last time we did it and the multiple trash bags overflowing with empty cans on our deck was starting to look a little trampy. Okay, a lot trampy. I'm sure our neighbors hate us. This process can be done at Walmart, which I usually try to avoid, but it's the only place in town that I know that carries the belt we need for our vacuum cleaner. Walmart is usually a dangerous place for me, and even more so now with my self-imposed shopping ban, but I set a goal and it had to be done. I got the store late and I was mad at myself because I was certain I may have screwed myself out of the opportunity to run before I was supposed to go to work, but I put my game face on and got to it.

There are digital clock readouts on the machines that collect the cans that kept me hyper aware of the time. 12:35... 12:44... 12:52. The minutes were slipping away faster than I could feed the cans into the machine and the window to run was closing right in front of me. A whopping 200 cans later, the machine printed a store credit of $10.00 and I bolted inside to buy shampoo and that stupid vacuum cleaner belt. I couldn't let today be another day that I skip out on a run so I remained focused on my task, focused on driving home safely, and focused on getting dressed to brave the cold without dawdling. Before I knew it, I was on the road flexing out my freshly washed tights and Vibram Sprints.

I'm trying out a few different paths in my neighborhood, different routes for different lengths so that I don't get too bored with the same scenery over and over. It's been really nice to start out a run and think to myself, "Where am I going today?" as opposed to being a slave to routine. The route I took today was a slight variation on one I did last week but it was divine in its differences. As I ran, I was acutely aware of how beautiful my city is, and for a moment a flicker of panic spread over me at the realization that the weather will turn eventually and the new seasons will bring more people to the streets I've been so happy to call my own lately.

Winter running... I'm kind of selfish like that. Aside from the distinct temperature advantages, running in wintertime means that I never have to worry about crowded parks or trails. Just the occasional psycho who feels the same way I do, and in that case... there's a flutter of understanding and respect as we cross paths.

I took the cans, I got the belt, I ran the run I had intended for today, I frantically showered to get to work in time, and found that I had 35 minutes to spare. It was during those 35 minutes that I put more stuff into storage, sorted the mail and threw out the junk, finished unpacking from last week, picked up ALL my clothes from off the floor, and I still had enough time to spare to put together a new outfit.

I'm feeling a little more complete today, a little more put together. I get to show my pride in my appearance with my new-to-me outfit (old jeans and shirt, new boots and cardigan) which garnered me a compliment (!!), and I have the extreme mental satisfaction of knowing that there's a little less on my to-do list waiting for me at home.

Satisfaction.

exercise: 5+ km, 34-something minutes, 500-something calories (I lost the details, my bad).

food:
        early: beef jerky, 1 slice of cheddar cheese
        late: 1 turkey wrap (whole wheat tortilla, deli turkey meat, 1/2 avocado, 1 tomato diced, salt, pepper, lime); diced tomato & 1/2 avocado in bowl with salt, pepper, lime; green tea with lime and sugar; carrots.

confession: late last night I had chips and salsa, because I'm Texican and that's what I do. No, really though... I realized I'm not eating enough. It was late and I was starving and I knew I needed something, so I chose chips and salsa and water and Diamox. Solid choices.