did you notice all my mistakes?

I wanted to post this yesterday, but I immediately became terrified that this was a fluke. This can't be happening, right? Oh, it's definitely happening.

Today, 29 May 2012, I weigh 232.0 pounds. In case you're new to my story (or not paying attention), my total weight loss to date is 60 pounds.

I'm struggling internally, and it's for a really stupid reason. Really stupid. I was running on the treadmill last night, thirty minutes in thinking to myself "where the fuck did this person come from?" When we walked into the gym, the ladies at the desk welcomed us back (because we've gone every day for the last 2+ weeks) and it reminded me of when we used to have that problem... at restaurants. No joke, we went to this one restaurant so frequently the ENTIRE staff knew us. Believe me, I'm happy that our obsessions have switched from eating to running. But seriously though, WHERE DID THIS COME FROM? I'm running somewhere between 20 and 30 miles a week, and recently I've been finding that I need to run faster and/or longer because it's no longer raising my heart rate where it needs to be. I'm at the gym every day and still I come home with too much energy that I need to throw in an hour of Pilates just to get myself to calm down.

In all my life, I have NEVER been this way. Throw in having no sense of self image (I still think of myself as a size 18 even though I definitely am not) and the confusion that comes with not knowing what's next (despite all my progress, I still have not settled on a final goal weight) and you end up with a seriously confused individual.

But today is supposed to be a congratulatory day. So let's celebrate! I found this video yesterday and I've been in absolute love ever since. I put this on repeat on my iPod during my run yesterday and it was INNNNcredible. Mes Aïeux = my new faves.

Thank you, Québec, for being AWESOME.