how did you know that I would play the part?

I don't like social situations which is a big problem for my socially-needy boyfriend. But last night I bit the bullet, put on my best dark jeans and black shirt, and hit the bars.

Conclusion: I drank too much.

I had 3 long islands, 1 vodka cranberry, and 1 big ass coors light in 4 hours. It was barely enough to maintain a buzz and I drove home at the end of the night, but the point remains that it was just too much. I don't understand drinking anymore.

Yesterday I did an hour of pilates and today my leg is hurting. I don't understand what's wrong and I'm really frustrated. I feel like I'm in a funk and I really really don't want to spend two months trying to lose ten pounds like I did in Dec-Jan (for the record, I logged 258.0 on 2/09/12), I could use a change.

I could use a change real bad.

I feel like I'm losing my grip on things. I'm always behind on school work, I'm always in over my head at my job, I'm always tired, there's never enough money and never enough time. [HAHAHAHA side note, "I Got Nothin' Left" just started playing on iTunes. Ironic much?] I think they call this depression? I'd really like to suspend reality for like... one week. I think that's fair.

I'm mad at myself for the drinks I had last night, and even more mad at myself for the batch of rice krispy treats I made just now, and for the spoonful of ice cream I stole from the freezer when I was making said rice krispy treats.


I'm so upset about my leg and the fact that I haven't been to the gym since Tuesday that I NEEDED a pick-me-up in dramatic fashion. I turned to spring cleaning, I only got as far as cleaning the bedroom when I decided to tackle my closet. I had this grand idea to go through my clothes and do a massive purge. Instead, I rediscovered all the beautiful dresses I've been stupidly hanging onto for the last three years. I'm sitting on at least ten little black dresses that I totally forgot I even owned. Half of them fit as-is, the other half need some work. But it was incredible getting to put on a fashion show for boyfriend and in the process getting to congratulate myself for the progress so far.

I was feeling defeated, but then I remembered that I'll always be successful until I officially stop trying. [Oh gag me, that was really sappy.]



ps - BP was 127/75 today. don't know wtf is up with that 127, especially since I'm normally at 115 and I'm on a bloody hypertension medication. smdh.