life is a mystery.

I woke up with a severe bout of anxiety this morning.

I think part of it has to do with the fact that my work schedule changed, and I really don't like change. Also maybe because I skipped a class last week and now there's an exam in said class tonight. Oh, I should mention I haven't studied. I'm also seriously behind on the exam I am to have completed by tomorrow (well, technically Wednesday but I won't have time then).

I was also worried that my Super Bowl binge of hot wings and cheesecake make have unraveled my diet, especially considering that I spent yesterday doing weight maintenance instead of a full blown workout. I suppose that's what I get for running eight days straight, my body couldn't take anymore.

I should probably mention that before bed I was googling everything I could find on EMG and nerve conduction tests and neuropathy. The things I read were not pretty. I think I remember Dr Stern saying something about doing the EMG herself and it takes three hours, and if this is indeed true then I feel highly comforted by the fact that she'll be there with me. But if I end up having a technician instead, I might just lose my shit.

I like to keep the number of people who see me in my panties to a bare minimum.


Two wonderful things happened today:
1. I found compression pants on sale online (no tax and free shipping, yahoo!)
2. The scale read 260.0

Let's explore.

Boyfriend didn't know what to get me for Valentine's Day. Last year our gifts got REALLY ridiculous in their magnitude so we decided a while ago to scale things back a bit. I don't exactly want or need anything that I wouldn't buy for myself which puts us in a pickle. Untilllll... the compression pants I have now started to fall off my ass. It's been happening for a while but I wanted to put off buying another pair until I was comfortably at the next size (or maybe even two sizes) down. The shitty part about losing weight like this is that I'm at the point where a large majority of my clothes are starting to not fit. But I also don't want to rush out and buy new clothes because it'll only be a matter of time before those clothes don't fit too.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE shopping, but I'm not exactly prepared to buy new wardrobes at every 30 pounds lost. Not in the cards, babes. Boyfriend had his AHA! moment over this topic and he told me he wanted to take me to the store so I could pick out new workout clothes that actually fit. Mucho thank yous to eBay daily deals for saving me a trip to the mall, and 50% off a pair of good compression pants.

The Vagiants won, Tom Brady lost, all is right in the world. Except even our low-key Super Bowl Sunday was a threat to my weight loss ethic. I devoured countless chicken wings in the name of protein loading, then I helped myself to a 300 calorie piece of cheesecake for the sake of satisfying a craving. It wasn't until a few hours later that all this food was sitting like a rock in the bottom of the stomach that I started to think perhaps I overindulged. I was totally expecting bad news on the scale this morning.

Instead, I awoke to a happy little surprise: 260.0! I didn't believe it, so I walked away and weighed myself again. Still 260.0. To recap: I started running 9 days ago clocking in at 265.5. Yeah, I'M A ROCKSTAR.

This totally gave me the push I needed this morning to get me to the gym. Maybe I can run some of this anxiety out of my system (and discover the 250s in the process!!!).