i wanna sex you up.

The essentials:
I had a not-quite-ripe banana first thing after waking. 1.00mi on the treadmill plus another half mile in warm-up/cool-down. Two miles on the elliptical plus a quarter mile going in reverse. After the gym I came home and tossed together a quick salad consisting of two types of lettuce, grape tomatoes, half an avocado, can of tuna, and some balsamic with a pink of parmesan cheese to top it off. It was an incredible salad. Also, my inner thighs burn from the reverse quarter mile.

For a snack at work I cut up a vine ripe tomato and the other half of the avocado and sprinkled on some salt and pepper. For dinner I have a small container of leftover whole wheat pasta with some spaghetti sauce and a pinch of parmesan. Water and green tea to drink.


Now, onto business:
I never pooped yesterday. The stress from work plus going straight from the gym to my night class didn't give me much opportunity to do my business. It took two trips this morning but I felt IMMENSELY better (also, in case you really wanna know... it weighed about two pounds). Yeah, gross.

It pisses me off that fitness experts and other people obsessed with weight loss spend SO MUCH time taking about what goes in to the body without much regard for what's coming out. Take it from me, what comes out is REALLY FUCKING IMPORTANT.

I'm sitting steady at 256.5, which is a relief considering how not invested I've been with my eating habits lately. I made a snack after dinner at 10pm last night... bad choice. I even knew that I would regret what I was doing but I did it anyway. Plus the fish taco extravaganza from Tuesday and the ice cream over the weekend... ugh. Gross, just gross.

I can't remember the last time I had beef. Also, I'm pretty limited on the chicken these days. For convenience purposes I have an interesting dependence on deli meat but we're careful about only buying lean turkey and it's always secondary to a meal anyway. I don't exactly miss meat, but I had a moment today where I could just feel that I needed protein.

I'm ashamed to say that I've never really had my body speak to me like that. Aside from the obvious rumblings that yell I'M HOOOONGRAYYY, I can't say I've ever felt like I needed (as opposed to craved) an item in particular.

It's funny to me to realize that my weight is in the 250s. You would think it would be familiar territory because I spent a lot of time here from 2006-2008, but I think about it and it just makes me laugh. So surreal.

Yesterday I zipped up a hoodie that I could never zip before. Today, I pulled out a shirt that I haven't worn since 2008 (because that's the last time it fit me) and it fits. I've been so narrow-minded in my quest to reach my goals that I forgot to take stock of where I am.

It feels good. It feels real good.